35-year-old birthday girl repeatedly turns down sister-in-law's invitation to go bowling not realizing event is her surprise party, SIL throws a tantrum over rejection: “I wasn't up for it”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 24, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

I am not a huge fan of surprises – much less on my birthday. Ever since I turned 11 years old, I have felt a strange mix of anxiety and sorrow on my birthday. This totally stemmed form the disappointment of not getting a Hogwarts letter – something I knew deep down was impossible, but it definitely marked the end to my childhood. So, I like to meticulously plan the events of my birthday to avoid disappointments. My lovely and accomodating partner even gives me my birthday presents on the days leading up to my b-day so that there is absolutely no sense of surprise.

In our story today, a woman attempts to plan a surprise party for her sister-in-law. However, she doesn't really take into account that she might not take the bait and want to participate in the activity she is suggesting – bowling with a handful of mutual friends. In fact, our protagonist would much rather spending time with her husband and child and turns her down, not knowing the hang was meant to be in her honor. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not going to the birthday party my SIL planned for me?

    Cheezburger Image 10508386816
    via GPoint Studio

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  • 02
    Last Saturday was my 35th birthday and the only thing I really wanted to do was spend time with my husband Chris and our 5yo Eliza. I didn't have any plans to go out because I don't really like going out unless I absolutely have to. I would much rather stay in if I'm being honest. Everyone who knows me knows this.
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  • 03
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  • 04
    Well during one of the movies we were watching I got a call from my SIL Whitney (29) asking me if I would like to go bowling with her and a few mutual friends of ours. I said that I wasn't up for it and just really
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 05
    wanted to spend the day with Chris and our daughter since it was my birthday. She repeatedly begged me to go but I stood firm and kept declining her offer. She was upset and just hung up on me. I sent her a text apologizing but she just left me on read.
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 06
    A few hours went by when I got a call from a friend asking me why I didn't go to the party Whitney planned for me and I told her honestly that I didn't know about any party. Whitney didn't tell me about
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 07
    the party when I was on the phone with her earlier in the day and the only thing she called about was to ask me if I wanted to go bowling, which I declined to spend the day with my family. My friend called me ungrateful and r de for completely dismissing
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 08
    Whitney's feelings after she spent so much time planning for my birthday party. I apologized because I honestly didn't know but my friend told me that I was still wrong to decline her offer instead of going to the party.
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  • 09
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  • 10
    I called Whitney after I got off the phone with my friend and asked her why she didn't just tell me about the party. I would have gone knowing that she put a lot of time and effort into planning it, but I didn't know. She told me that's the whole reason why
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 11
    she invited me out to bowl because it was a bowling party for me. I felt really bad and asked if there was anything I could do to make up to her for missing the party she planned for me. She said no and then just hung up. I tried talking to her on Monday but she was
    via u/Dry_Season_1221
  • 12
    pretty cold towards me and didn't actually want to talk to me. Chris doesn't think I did anything wrong but I can't help but feel like the j for missing out on the party she planned for me. So was i wrong for not going bowling when my SIL invited me to?
    via u/Dry_Season_1221

  • I mean, yeah. This seemed a little last-minute and just goes to show that she doesn't know that much about her SIL if her bait was bowling with some buds over spending time with family. 

  • 13
    Professional Disk7699 NTA. You didn't want to go bowling. At no point was an actual party in your honor mentioned from what you posted. This is on SIL. Granted she may have been trying to surprise you, however given you said no to just bowling, it's on her to make more of an effort.
    via u/ProfessionalDisk7699
  • 14
    DooHickey2017 Read the room, Whitney! The next time you plan a surprise party, make sure there is a plan for the guest of honor to show up. And maybe organize that before the day?
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  • 15
    Cold_Refuse_7236 Game of “read my mind” -after the fact.
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  • 16
    fargoLEVY13 Also, your friend is an idiot.
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  • 17
    GlitterCutiepiee Exactly. OP isn't a mind reader. If Whitney had just been upfront about planning a party, the whole situation could've been avoided. Expecting someone to read between the lines, especially on their birthday....is unfair. Communication matters, and OP doesn't owe guilt for someone else's lack of clarity
    via u/GlitterCutiepiee
  • 18
    TheWorld TurnsAround Whitney never told you she planned a party. She asked if you wanted to go bowling, you said no. You'd rather stay home on your birthday. THAT is when she should have told you it was a bowling party for you.
    via u/TheWorldTurnsAround

  • She also could've contacted our protagonist's husband to ask if our protagonist would even want some sort of surprise party. It's crazy to assume anyone would want that. 

  • 19
    eagerreader007 NTA. Unless you are an experienced user of a crystal ball how on earth would you know it was a party for you.
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  • 20
    I'm a home-girl myself and people always wanting you to go out with them, because that's what they like, gets annoying. Your birthday... your choice. Hope you enjoyed your family time despite the interference. X
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  • 21
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  • 22
    Spalding Penrodthe3rd Right!!!! How was she supposed to know there's a party for her and no one said anything. Her husband didn't even know.
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  • 23
    NTA GordonSchumway69 SIL sounds like an immature drama queen. The first thing she should have done was to clearly communicate her plan. She never did, so that is ALL her fault. You need to get the real story out there because she is using this as an excuse to turn others
    via u/GordonSchumway69
  • 24
    against you. Your husband needs to call her out and explain that he was there when she called and she never mentioned a party. Also, it is irresponsible to any guests she invited to not have secured plans with you because having others schedule their time
    via u/GordonSchumway69
  • 25
    for that reason. It was completely rode and entitled to expect that you would drop everything on your day off to revolve around her plans that she never included you in. Seriously, you cannot get mad at someone for having other plans when you call the day of the event.
    via u/GordonSchumway69
  • 26
    None of this is on you. Stop apologizing. Tell her to grow up, learn how to communicate like an adult, and stop creating drama. Your husband needs to do the same.
    via u/GordonSchumway69
  • 27
    carlcrossgrove If you want to surprise someone, you have to make sure they are going along with the fake plans. If your only plan B to them declining to go is to get mad and hang up on them, then you shouldn't ever try to surprise anyone again. Snotty teen f ry.
    via u/carlcrossgrove

Tags

family drama marriage AITAH toxic birthday wife married life relationships husband sister in law bowling Party mother in law entitled family entitled people
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